ANDREA REESE INTRODUCES YOU TO VICTORIA FALLS/ZIMBABWE!

The park buildings are unpretentious. Facilities are fairly simple and uncomplicated. You rent a raincoat and a guide accompanies your group along a path that meanders in front of, across from the most spectacular water falls in the world. Andrea Reese, wife of Ron Reese (fellow South Africa Fulbrighter-2006), does her "model-thing" in front of a sign in a building administered by the park authority. In her own unique way, Andrea always adds distinctive humor and friviality to our activities while we are touring--she's a real joy!

"THE SMOKE THAT THUNDERS" REALLY, REALLY THUNDERS!

Victoria Falls is as it was when explorer-missionary, Dr. David Livingstone became the first European to experience its embrace. The prosaic but sensitive Scotsman was so overwhelmed by his first sight of the great falls that he momentarily abandoned his pragmatic scientific observations and thoughtfully stated, "It had never been seen before by European eyes," he wrote as the spray from the falls soaked him and his notebook, "but scenes so lovely must have been gazed upon by angels in their flight." And it is overwhelming--the magnificence of it all reportedly has lured many to their deaths--either accidentally or suicidally. Like North America's Niagara Falls, Victoria Falls has maintained a mythical, mysterious past that is linked to the present--unlike any place on earth I have ever visited.

ANOTHER THREESOME PHOTO/VICTORIA FALLS AS A BACKDROP (JUST DON'T BACK UP AND DROP!)

What's to describe? Victoria Falls is approximately one mile wide--the widest falls in the world. Standing there, listening to the deafening roar of the cascading water, forces one to realize the power of our natural world. The mist is like no other falls on earth, blanketing everyone and everything within hundreds of meters with a gentle rain. The real beauty of it all is the fact that the Zimbabwean/Zambian authorities haven't given in to commercial interests--no advertising billboards, etc. Beauty like no other place on earth!

BABY ADJUSTMENT WHILE SELLING STACKS OF WOOD IN SWAZILAND

The woman was adjusting the weight of her baby on her back--the favored way of carrying a toddler on the African continent. The chopped wood was selling for R10 a stack, which equals about $1.25 in U.S. currency. We did not need the wood, nevertheless gave the woman a R10 bill...South African Rand are readily accepted in Swaziland. She was pleased and we felt good about helping her and her child. Dozens of photographs were taken in Swaziland of such people eeking out a living by the side of the road.

ZAMBEZI RIVER THREESOME: VICTORIA FALLS A STONE'S THROW AWAY...

Late June brought us to another memorable occasion--the boat ride on the Zambezi River near the tremendous draft of the water cascading over Victoria Falls. A happy moment captured by our good friends, Ron and Andrea Reese (Ron is a fellow Fulbrighter from San Diego, California, where he teaches math at Patrick Henry High School). The boat was filled with mostly "pensioners", what they call retired folks back home. I have always been of the opinion traveling should be accomplished BEFORE retirement. Being on a bus, train, plane, or boat with a bunch of "blue-hairs" is not my idea of fun. Anyway, the "old folks" that day had too much to drink and the boat was "rocking." Some of the gals were "tipsy" and were flirting with everyone available--I ran.

SUNSET ON THE ZAMBEZI RIVER...A MOMENT TO REMEMBER FOREVER!

Nothing needs to be said here--no words of elaboration. The sun was setting in one direction and the majesty of Victoria Falls was in the other direction. East and west, right? What made it even more memorable was the sound of the faraway falls...and the mist created by the tremendous volume of water cascading downward near Livingstone Island. This is a renowned World Heritage Site, as declared by UNESCO. Making everything even more grand is the outline of none other than my lovely wife, Svetlana (capturing the sunset on video).

CHOBE NATIONAL PARK IN BOTSWANA/TWO IMPALA JUST "HANGING OUT"

I had to insert this photograph of the impala! It's a favorite. They were just "hanging out" by the Zambezi River and their serene beauty was obvious to me. Their lines/form are like a work of art to me. While "shooting" them with my Kodak digital I couldn't help but think how anyone could actually shoot such natural beauty with a high-powered rifle. They were magnificent! Oh well, I already know all the arguments...being from Michigan in the U.S., I am well aware of what hunter's say about such things. The hunting crowd likes to pass off their killing of such beautiful animals as "harvesting" the beasts...yeah, sure. Explain your harvesting euphemism to the mother of this creation!

HOW APPROPRIATE! JOHN WEARS HIS RHINO T-SHIRT WHILE LOVINGLY HOLDING RHINO FECES TO THE AMAZEMENT OF HIS SON, IVAN J.J.!!

Do I need to describe what is taking place? I dared myself to hold the do-do and won my own dare! Ivan didn't think I had the nerve to do it...wrong! It really wasn't too bad to the touch--kinda half-dry. You know, the straw-like grass held the mess together. Then I broke it open and it sort of oozed a bit. And then the smell hit both of us; I screamed, dropped the stuff, and ran off! Ivan stood there and laughed himself silly...

AND WE CAN'T FORGET THE FEMALE SWAZI DANCERS, CAN WE?

There could be several "Kodak moments" with the wonderful, talented dancers that evening. The women had actually served our meal just a few minutes before the dancing began...the men performed first, with the women beating out the appropriate music on various drums that surrounded the camp. Talk about double-duty! They served us with total aplomb, then changed clothing and became musicians and dancers to boot. Amazing!

SWAZI DANCERS: PHOTO TAKEN AT GROUND LEVEL...

I decided it would be better if the photographs of the dancers were taken at ground level...so I slid out of my chair and slithered on the ground in front of our table. As it turned out, it was an excellent vantage point for caputuring the "action!" Unfortunately, as they kicked their feet up toward the starlit sky, I was the recipient of sand/dirt in my face! It didn't matter. I totally enjoyed being close to their pounding feet and the ground actually shook from the rhythmic stomping. This was only one of several delightful photos I managed to capture.

MKHAYA GAME RESERVE EVENING ENTERTAINMENT: AN AUTHENTIC SWAZI DANCE TROUPE OF OUR OWN!!

Well, the dancing troupe was actually shared by two other tables--small groups of individuals from Italy and the U.S. The Americans were from Alabama; an environmental attorney and his daughter. The Italian table was from Genoa, the fabled land of Christopher Columbus. All they wanted to talk about was soccer (football), and as it turned out, all their braggadocio was well-deserved! The folks in the photo (the people in the indigenous clothing), were very talented and were hell-bent on giving us a show--and what a drum and dance show it was! According to my calendar the date was Thursday, July 6, 2006. Excellent, fire-cooked meal. Fine bottle of S.A. wine. Terrific company. An evening to remember--under a panorama of twinkling stars, on an isolated game reserve in beautiful Swaziland!

WHERE WERE YOU WHEN YOU WERE SEVEN YEARS OLD?

Ivan J.J. was several places on his special 7th birthday. Victoria Falls was the most noteworthy. Later that day, June 27, 2006, he visited an elephant park and rode a pachyderm by the name of "Janet." The evening was topped off with an exotic array of wild animal meats featured at a local restaurant by the name of "BOMA."
The celebration continued even when we traveled to Swaziland. Seen here with a couple of his game reserve pals, the "baby" rhino reveled at his daring moves, as he tried to move closer and closer to him! And no, Ivan was NOT afraid!

EASILY BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE GRAND...THAT WOULD BE VICTORIA FALLS VS. NIAGARA FALLS!

Now that we've seen both Victoria Falls and Niagara Falls it can easily/comfortabily stated that the African version wins hands down! Victoria Falls also wins out by far when it comes to little or no commercialization. It was so refreshing not to see advertising plastered all over the place...almost to a fault at Vic Falls. Try Niagara and one is bleary-eyed from neon lights, blaring car music, every kind of distraction not associated with water or water falls. David Livingstone had it right when on December 16, 1855, he described the falls as God's magnificent creation. The local Tongo people described it as, "Mosi oa Tunya...Smoke that Thunders." Later named after Queen Victoria, I asked several locals if there was a movement to rename the falls. They gave me strange looks and to a person answered, "Never!"

SWAZI (LIVE FACES) GIVEN TO GREEK COMEDY/TRAGEDY...

After taking the photograph of the idyllic Swaziland countryside, two children descended on us...we heard their chatter before they arrived at our vehicle's rear window. Almost immediately, Ivan offered them some candy bars and the little girl's face lit up with a gracious, happy smile. Sadly, the little boy, perhaps a sibling, retained his hardened, uneasy glance--his mind seemed to be elsewhere. They stepped back and I snapped this image. The happy girl represents the Swaziland we were soon to discover--frivilous and carefree. To me, the boy's stare represents the British index that placed the people of Swaziland near the bottom of their "scientific" study. Seemingly, one could travel to any place on the planet, probably one lacking sand, sun, and beaches, and determine a people who are "unhappy." From my experiences, Russia has to be up there somewhere...or would that be down there somewhere?

MOUNTAIN KINGDOM WELCOMES MOUNTAIN-LOVERS!

Swaziland is a land of beautiful mountains! We found beautiful people there too. Now remember, this is the country rated at the bottom of the index created by that British think tank...right down there next to the lowest of the low, Zimbabwe. There must be a mistake. Listen, I'm from Flint, Michigan and when I heard about Swaziland and Zimbabwe listed as bottom-feeders, I became restless...

A few years back MONEY Magazine created their own "index" of best/worst U.S. cities and good old Flint came in dead last (as the worst city in America). I think we were number 2-seventy-something out of all the small cities rated. The magazine's rating of Flint is largely responsible for unleashing none other than Michael Moore and his first celluloid effort, ROGER&ME. Mike featured the burning of MONEY Magazine on a bridge crossing the Flint River. And if you look closely you'll see me (much younger and thinner in 1987!), standing on that same bridge. Anyway, Swaziland is getting a bad rap...just like Flint has received over the years!

WE SAW HAPPY PEOPLE WHERE THE HAPPY PLANET INDEX SAID THEY WERE THE UNHAPPIEST PEOPLE ON EARTH!!

Yes, you read that right! The unhappiest people on the planet have been located by the British think-tank New Economics Foundation. Hold your breath now: The two lowest rated countries were recently visited by me, my family, and a fellow Fulbrighter from sunny San Diego, California. The index combines life satisfaction, life expectancy and environmental considerations they describe as the land required to sustain the population and to absorb its energy consumption. Poor Zimbabwe slammed in dead-last at 178th on their list.

The folks in Swaziland were a few points above the Zim people, rating a 177th place at the rear door of the planet. Not surprisingly, two other African countries were next at the bottom: Burundi and the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Ukraine, where we wanted to spend our honeymoon, slid in slightly ahead of the not-so "Democratic" Congo. Why are the least democratic, most unrepublican countries always given those designations?

Anyway, there they were...Zimbabwe and Swaziland. Point is, we just returned from visiting these two countries and my impression was that most of the people we encountered were not walking around "singing the blues." In other words, they seemed "happy" to me.

I wonder about such so-called "think" tanks. How in hell do they think up an "index" that reflects peoples' unhappiness/happiness? If you think about it, Zimbabwe and Swaziland are very, very poor nations. The economy of the former is one of the worst in the world--by far. At least the latter, Swaziland, has a royal gambling casino or two.

Both of them have autocratic, authoritarian "leaders"; one a king, the other a king wannabe. Swaziland is led by a fellow who barely graduated from high school, a British private school at that. I'm not sure about Mugabe. He probably has a dozen or so honorary degrees from various local colleges. I know for a fact that Michigan State University bestowed a doctor of arts degree on him back in the 1980's, during his better days of governance. Those days are long gone.

Well, I'm going to try to post some photographs from our recent travels through these two lands. The photographs will speak for themselves in describing some of the people of the nations with the unhappiest people on earth. You can be the judge. They will be forthcoming...

Oh. You probably want to know what country has the happiest people on the planet, right? The small South Pacific Ocean archipelago of Vanuatu was rated number one by the British think tank. Look, if you were British you'd probably want to be there too. And why not? With only about 138,000 citizens, most of whom probably wear next to nothing for clothing, the folks there gotta be fairly carefree.

After joint administrative control by the British and French (man, what a way to mess up a people), since 1906, the native population was set free in 1980. That's strange because 1980 was also the same date that Zimbabwe was set free from British control. Hmmmmmm. One ends up being happiest on earth--the other is the unhappiest! What the hell happened?

My theory lies with the lack of clothing and perhaps something in the cocoanut juice on the islands of Vanuatu. And I would be willing to bet all my millions of Zimbabwean dollars that the girls of Vanuatu are much better looking than the ones in Mugabe's prison nation. I'd also put my money on the fact that the former New Hebrides Islands has leadership that wears flowered shirts or maybe even skirts. Mugabe, you must know, prefers dark suits that give him that "Tony Blair" or "George Bush" look.

It's a sure bet that the people of Vanuatu don't have a care or concern about racial identity either. There are no land "reform" movement by government there. Who wants to fight over sand, empty beaches, and Pacific breezes?

I just wish there was some way I could fly out to Vanuatu...and get to the bottom of this survey, index stuff. After spending time in the two lowest of the low, it would only be fair to be able to dangle my toes in the waters off the coast of the best of the best. I wonder if the Vanuatu people have a chamber of commerce? Maybe they would be willing to sponsor someone like me for a few days vacation. Then I could post photographs from Vanuatu and give comparisons between the happiest and unhappiest people on the planet. Sure, John. Dream on...

WHUMP! WHOMP! FHRUMPH!!

This was supposed to be a blog posting on our most recent travel experience to Durban, South Africa. I was going to title it something like: "Curry Me A Favor: Durban's Curried Experience." But not now...somehow events surrounding our arrival back from the KwaZulu-Natal mini-vacation have moved to the forefront and taken precedence over curried lamb with rice.

Some strange circumstances surround how our personal affects back home were violated while we were in/around Durban. I'm referring to items at our DeVilliers Avenue residence. Things are "missing." That's missing, as in stolen. Yep, how about ALL my dress shoes...the ones I wear to school. Teachers need good dress shoes; they kind of look nice with sports coats, suits, etc. No more. Six pair of my Cole-Haan, size 13 dress shoes have taken a "walk." And a nice pair of tennis shoes to boot (yeah, yeah...I'm playing with words, right?).

This is NOT funny to me at all. Shoes are expensive and the Cole-Haan brand is well-known as being "top of the line." That means comfortable, but expensive. Why take only good shoes from my wardrobe? The expensive sports coats and suits were not touched...neither was my silk tie collection. They (him, her, "it"), did not mess with any of my recently purchased ethnic, African artifacts. For that, I say "thanks."

Now, get this...the thieves also lifted my U.S. State Dept. Fulbright-South Africa, blue-canvas briefcase! It was filled with Norkem Park High School papers that were important to me, and me only. The papers, along with the briefcase, are probably in some trash bin as I type these words. Oh, and an airline pilot's, over-sized briefcase from my exchange partner's closet, has also flown away somewhere (probably filled with stuff from the house).

My wife keeps updating her list of missing items. Shoes. Belts. Some clothing. Thank goodness none of her underwear is missing (gulp!). Now she says some jewelry pieces I recently gave her are missing. To make matters even worse, Ivan reports that his lion's claw necklace we gave him for his seventh birthday is also gone. We celebrated his big day at Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe, where I purchased the (expensive) lion's claw, along with a crocodile tooth necklace. The punk thief left the croc tooth...gee, thanks.

Unfortunately, now we know all about the "real" South Africa--the one associated with high crime, corruption, and worse. Needless to say, this is an experience that will will not soon be forgotten. Ivan's lion's claw meant a lot to him...father-to- son thing, you know. Yes, no one was hurt. What was "hurt" was our perception of our experiences here, but we cannot allow something like this to dismantle the good things we have encountered. By all means, this criminal act will not allow us to blame any one group of South African people. It still hurts though, right? And being shoeless is not a comfortable thing for a teacher.

The money is gone. But please tell me what the thief will do with his new "millionaire" status? He/she can take the missing million-plus Zimbabwean dollars to Zimbabwe and buy a double-cheeseburger at the only Wimpy's in town (Victoria Falls). From our brief vacation time there we also know a million Zim dollars can purchase a bowl of carrot soup. Or perhaps it can be used to cart off ten loaves of bread. Enjoy the carbs...

Hey, the thief has our money, our shoes, some brief cases, items of clothing, and other "things." What the scavenger doesn't have is our humaneness. Hell, I would NEVER walk off with ALL of someone's shoes! At the very least, I would leave the fellow at least one pair of shoes. And I would never, ever take a Fulbright-South Africa briefcase. Too personal.

I'm reminded of the poor chap I witnessed being chased down a side street in Durban. There was one helluva commotion: screaming, yelling, etc. The guy was eventually caught and the small crowd of men beat him viciously. He wiggled free, but was immediately downed by a large man with one of those long, thick wooden poles with a large thob on the end. Whump! Whomp! Fhrumph!! The guy lay still on the street, bloodied, gasping for air, and crying like a kid that just got one of those "behind the woodshed" beatings from his father.

I felt sorry for him. Then someone explained that the bloodied mess lying on the street had stolen something from a nearby shop. He also related how this was "street justice", Durban-style. Somehow, I still managed to feel sorry for the guy.

No more. I don't feel sorry for him or ANY thief who violates peoples' lives by stealing from their home. If I could locate the person who took our possessions I would be first in line to administer a few whacks to said person's skull. Whump! Whomp! Fhrumph!! So much for humaneness...

ZIMBABWE...MY WAY, YOUR WAY, ANY OLD WAY!

Money is interesting. Zimbabwe's money, their paper currency, is more than interesting...it's fascinating! I say that with confidence because all one has to do is spend some of it and the fascination begins.

Of course, if you want to spend some Zimbabwean dollars you have to be situated in the country of Zimbabwe. No other country on earth will accept Zim dollars as "legal tender." Meaning: Zim dollars are absolutely worthless anywhere on earth except in Zimbabwe. And it must be noted that even there they are not as acceptable for purchases as other currencies such as the South African Rand or the U.S. dollar. Hell, even the Botswanean Pula is preferred over Zim dollars in Zimbabwe!

My good friend, fellow S.A. Fulbrighter, Ron Reese, recently wrote about his experience with the Zim dollar. We went to Zimbabwe together...with our respective wives, and little Ivan J.J. too. Ron said, "If you want to be a millionaire, go to Zimbabwe. If you want to be rich, go elsewhere." Perfect! Ron always has such keen insights on money matters...

We celebrated Ivan's seventh birthday near Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe, together. Together meant Ron, Andrea, and my family. Birthdays usually always involve lots of presents, right? Ivan was "pumped up" over his birthday presents, especially when I told him he was getting a MILLION DOLLARS from me as one of his main gifts. I told him that very few boys receive a million dollars as a birthday present. He countered with, "Maybe Donald Trump's son would receive such a present!" Ivan was pleased, very pleased, with his stack of Zim dollars. I even added an extra $100,000 note to broaden his smile even further! It was sure to be his best birthday ever.

Sad to say, I think the bright, rambunctious boy had figured it all out...meaning I think he knew the Zim dollar was worthless. Nevertheless, he was still bubbling with enthusiasm over the fact that he was an instant "millionaire" for the first time in his young life. He even commented that he did not have to purchase a lottery ticket. It had to be a good feeling for him...

Ivan also received a lion claw necklace that evening (June 27). He wears it proudly everywhere he goes. Additionally, he was the recipient of a crocodile tooth, also on a leather necklace. To boot, he rode on an elephant earlier that evening at a Zimbabwean game reserve. I guess he was also thrilled that the name of "his" elephant was "Janet." Go and figure.

The big day was topped off with a wonderful, delicious supper at The Boma Eating House (that's what they call restaurants in Zimbabwe, I guess). Ivan made sure he had his fill of warthog steak, buffalo stew, impala fillets, lamb, kudu...all lovingly cooked over an open fire, near our table.

Finally, the eating house performers (musicians, dancers, singers), managed to recognize Ivan's day by singing a happy birthday song in their indigenous language. I think it was Tonga language. They were beating their drums furiously and the large audience of dinner guests joined in, attempting to out-furious the professionals. It was a lot of (noisy) fun!

All of the above, of course, was NOT paid for in Zim dollars! South Africa's Rand was cashed in to cover all costs. Considering what we paid for earlier for Ivan: a double-cheeseburger at the only Wimpy's in town for 1,000,000 Zim dollars, it would have taken a huge stack of the local currency to finance the birthday. I think the Boma dinner bill was about $30 U.S. and half of that for kids under the age of twelve.

Well, we just returned from a three-day mini-vacation in Swaziland. Their currency is very interesting too. The paper version is called "Emalangeni." I have no idea what the heck an Emalangeni is when comparing it to a dollar, a Pula, or a Rand. The Swazi paper currency features their king, HM King Mswati III, on the front; the back features Swaziland's prominent dam and the hydro-electricity produced by it for its people. Above the printed "Central Bank of Swaziland" is displayed the phrase, "GOD IS OUR SOURCE." Yes, it's all capital letters.

Zimbabwe would not dare to feature such language on its currency. Being worthless, what would "GOD IS OUR SOURCE" printed on their Zim dollars mean to the "man in the street?" Largely speaking, both Swaziland and Zimbabwe are Christian nations...that is, most of their citizens are Christian. Zimbabwe's president, Robert Mugabe, proudly professes to be a Christian. The guy's been their president since the beginning: 1980. That works out to about 26 years of misrule, gross corruption, hyper-inflation, an HIV-AIDS pandemic that is running amok, and international condemnation. Hmmmmmm, Robert better get on his knees a little more.

Yes, currencies of any country can be interesting. Little Ivan J.J. has certainly found that to be the case. Like many kids his age, he likes to play with money...and Zimbabwean dollars make very good play money. It's telling that a seven-year-old has it all figured out, Mr. President Mugabe. And it is a tragic shame that you, sir, keep building (real) million-dollar mansions in your mismanaged country while your citizens live in impoverishment as frightened occupants of a pariah nation that is the laughing-stock of the world! But there is absolutely nothing fascinating about that, Mr. President...

P.S.: Please don't share the following information with Zimbabwean police officials. We were speeding along on a Zimbabwean version of a super highway...the one between Bulawayo and the South African border. Yes, it has only two lanes. To their credit, the asphalt road has few potholes--something Botswana officials could learn from.

Ron was leading our two-vehicles on our escape route south when he was suddenly waved down by a police official with one of those old-fashioned, hand-held, radar instruments. Ron could have sped on because the two fellows standing there would not have had time to react (I'm not even sure if they had a police car there).

I slowed down and crept up on Ron's vehicle and listened to the subsequent conversation. He tried to argue his case, but it was to no avail. Ron was slapped with an on-the-spot fine of $200,00 (Zim) dollars, which works out to about $2 U.S. We were both cracking up with laughter...as Ron was made to sign a document that indicated his admission of guilt for driving about 20 miles per hour over the posted speed limit.

Recognizing that Ron had a terrific souvenir (he was given a copy of the admission of guilt document), for only $2, I begged the police officer for a speeding ticket too. He immediately refused, saying that I was not speeding...that I was simply following the lead speeding vehicle driven by Mr. Reese. My argument was futile, so we returned to our respective Japanese imports and sped off. I could only hope for a speeding ticket down the road...which, unfortunately, never happened!

STREET SCENES IN FRONT OF AFRICA MUSEUM, JOBURG...

A large plaza area that should have been filled with Johannesburg residents...looking fairly deserted on a bright, sunny June Saturday. The fellows enjoying the day seem to be just sitting there, but that is deceiving. They were watching a large, outdoor television screen that featured a soccer (football to everyone else in the known world), match at the World Cup in Germany. To achieve this photograph I had to sprawl myself out on the sidewalk, thus the guys in the background laughing at the fellow peering at them through the lens of his Kodak digital camera--groundlevel! Interestingly, there was free music, vendors, and a joyful spirit in the plaza...but few people. I enjoyed the featured music from the West African country of Mali. It sounded Spanish to me, almost Cuban. A delightful afternoon where people-watching was the order of the day!

BEAUTIFUL BOWLS CREATED BY BEAUTIFUL JOBURG ARTIST...

Yes, the unknown Johannesburg artist is beautiful because her bowls reflected her inner beauty. She had a pleasant, engaging smile that made anyone she met an instant friend...at least I felt that way. I learned she was displaying her art on this particular side-street for the first time. She related that sales were a little slow. It was difficult not to want to help her sell her creations--or at least buy one or two of them (which I did). I love to look at an artist's hands and try to make a connect between the art they create and the warmth they might exude with a smile or a glance. This unnamed person had a warm glow about her, which made purchasing her art an easy thing to do.